In breaking news from undisclosed, official, and reliable sources, international terra-ist O-Sunny-Been-Lovin’ has claimed full responsibility for hijacking global consciousness and spreading indiscriminate acts of kindness, love, generosity, and joy.
Reports from all over the world have confirmed spontaneous moments of peaceful behavior and unbelievable pleasure. At factories in developed and undeveloped nations, work stoppages were widespread.
People everywhere stopped working and began offering each other hugs, kisses, and back-rubs.
According to Justina Cog, a gadget and widget maker on the Wall-Co assembly line, “First, my co-worker Justin Doin Mijob stepped away from his post. Then, with tears in his eyes, he asked if I would like a hug. After our embrace, our foreman made an announcement on the factory PA. He said that with such unprecedented joy in our hearts, it seemed pointless to continue our boring jobs making useless widgets and gadgets. Then, he ordered us to go to a nearby park where he said we would have a picnic and keg-party paid for by the company.”
The incredible acts of love and beauty were not limited to work places, sources report. Empress of Northamerica, Georgianna Bush, made a nationally televised announcement calling for a world wide end to pollution and other acts that harm the earth.
At the end of the broadcast, Empress Bush declared. “This will be my last televised address. In the new world where we harm none and live for our desires, television will be an unnecessary diversion to keep us from the true entertainment of living fully and bravely and lovingly.”
Overseas, where the followers of various War Gods have been killing each other, High Priestess Areola She Runs made this statement: “I have opened an interfaith garden of reconciliation in the Holy Land. There, we are collecting all weapons.
“In exchange for laying down their arms, we are offering all soldiers a loaf of bread, a bottle of wine, and toys for their children. So far, the response has been incredible. As far as we know, the followers of Allah and Yahweh have stopped fighting and pledged their support to the international Act of Pan and Aphrodite which encourages people of faith everywhere to only worship deities of love and nature.”
Despite this sudden eruption of global delight, some people are reported to be resisting a new era of peace and freedom.
For people who still feel aggression in their hearts, provisions are being made. Empress Bush explained that special hospitals are being created in Texas to treat those with testosterone poisoning, womb envy, and other noted aggressive disorders.
Bush explained, “I understand how problematic such diseases can be. Human history has taught us that victims of testosterone poisoning have often dropped bombs on innocent civilians in the name of one of the War Gods. While we have compassion for these people, we can no longer tolerate such acts of masculine stupidity. My own father was a victim of Institutionalized Violence Syndrome, so my heart goes out to those families who have members still pondering acts of violence.”
From his outpost in the Garden of Earthly Delights, O-Sunny-Been-Lovin has asked for global vigils of voluptuous pleasure and joy, drinking and dancing. However, he said that people with a history of violence disorders should drink only chamomile and valerian tea rather than the special ales and wines that will be available at these events.
Been-Lovin’ left with these words: “I hope this hijacking of global consciousness was successful. However, I am prepared to commit more acts of senseless love and careless terra-ism if people do not begin re-creating the world as the paradise it once was.”