Resisting the Consumerist’s Urge


Fifth Estate # 379, Fall, 2008

Introduction or Laissez-(un)faire

If you are reading these words, it is almost certain that you are ill, sick, and infected. “With what?” you ask. The blight destroying our nation known as Free Enterprise, Supply & Demand, Capitalism, and more commonly Consumerism. It is a worm boring through the minds & souls of all our citizens.

It must be cut off at the root. But how do we kill an idea with it impossible to rend unpopular? We can only learn to combat it on a personal level. Here I present a simple list of tactics (approved by the high-minds of our time) to be used to this end. Though by no means a final solution manual, this quick guide can get you on your feet and running from the monster called consumerism.

I. Sensual Stimulation: Breeding Out the Problem

Sex has largely been used to achieve two goals throughout history: pleasure & procreation. With procreation, we are simply creating a new avenue for our addiction & thus a larger syphon upon our resources. Even less desirable, we are creating new beings to suffer along-side us. For pleasure, however, sex can be utilized as a healthy & free alternative to the urge to purchase. A warm embrace surmounts even the romances of the poet.

II. Chemical Crutches: Survival Through Chemistry

One could venture to say that the Capitalist Disease is linked directly to certain chemical imbalances in the body. This leads us to the logical assumption of a medicinal regimen being a means to our end. There exist many illegal & pseudo-illegal drugs that could be of use to us. A few include: Methamphetamine–A bug in the skin distracts the buyer’s eye. ‘Roofiel–The dreaming consumer may only purchase fantasy. ‘Magic’ Mushrooms–If the commodity cannot stop laughing at me, I will not gratify it with my money. Simply take care not to become addicted in any way.

III. Wax Ward: The Militant Solution

If a citizen finds him/herself eager to deny truth & a basic sanctity for life, a new dimension of urge prevention techniques can be conceived. A soldier aware of his free enterprise problem may find himself asking: “How can I buy a SUV when I am murdering innocent civilians?” or “How may I window-shop whilst raping the daughters of defenseless men?” or “I don’t need a name-brand suit to instill unwarranted fear in the masses, do I?” No, you don’t. However, in the case of your death, a line of merchandise (windows stickers, magnets, etc.) may be dedicated to your memory. If at all possible, don’t die.

IV. Electronic Elimination: Machine Suppression

In a world of wire, silicon, and innovation, we may surely discover some means of urge suppression through technological innovation. One solution is the application of a counter stimulation–such as electrocution. By applying an appropriate apparatus (such as a shock collar), we can fight our consumptive urges. An accomplice is of course needed (our own will-power being weak) to activate the device. A Christian is recommended for this, due to their innate ability to judge others subjectively, with little or no harm to their conscience.

V. Thief Therapy: End Game Scenario

As mentioned, these are not absolute solutions. They are prone to failure, and in rare instances may lead to the perpetuation of your predicament. There are, however, alternatives (no, not socialism!). The cruder being to simply ‘lift’ or ‘pinch’ the desired goods, or to say, steal. This however still plays into the most essential symptom of consumerism–the unwarranted “need” or want. More elegant to execute, however increasingly difficult to ensue due to lack of information, is an arcane skill, referred to as ‘Do-It-Yourself or DIY. Very little is known of this lost art, due to it’s fall from vogue during the last century. However, it’s utterance still possesses some power in the more liberal regions. If encountered, hold the experience dear & let it not drop rotten from your tree of thought.