Related: Playing in the Key of Clown
Why join the U.S. Armed Forces
when you can join the Rebel Clown Army instead?!
The U.S. army is no picnic and actually is far worse. Tons of money is poured into the recruiting campaign offering false promises. Our soldiers are being manipulated, fooled, and thrown into horrific situations. For the benefit of corporations and war-profiteers far away from the battlefield.
On the other hand, the clown army is a much safer choice. Using our imagination we get to fly planes and drive tanks whenever we want, and travel to foreign lands in the blink of an eye. We offer immediate training in clowning and our health insurance plan is unrivaled on the planet—”a laugh a day.”
But you be the judge:
U.S. ARMY: Squashes individual expression and free speech
CLOWN ARMY: Breeds creative goofiness and goofy creativity
U.S. ARMY: Demands conformity and servitude
CLOWN ARMY: Liberates the imagination and imagines liberty
U.S. ARMY: Lies about money for college
CLOWN ARMY: We don’t lie
U.S. ARMY: Lies about job training and employment
CLOWN ARMY: Train to be a clown for free, today!
U.S. ARMY: Lies about gender and racial equality
CLOWN ARMY: We’re all clowns, and a clown is a clown is a clown
U.S. ARMY: Number of countries invaded preemptively for no good reason: sooo many
CLOWN ARMY: Number of pre-emptive hugs given to strangers, daily, for no good reason: more
U.S. ARMY: Fight in a war
CLOWN ARMY: Tug-o-war
U.S. ARMY: Yer officer yells orders in your face
CLOWN ARMY: Everybody yells with you and not at you
U.S. ARMY: Drops bombs on kids
CLOWN ARMY: Kids love us
U.S. ARMY: “Army of One”
CLOWN ARMY: “Army of Fun”
U.S. ARMY: Lots of gas-guzzling hummers
CLOWN ARMY: Long-winded bike advocacy
U.S. ARMY: 5-year commitment
CLOWN ARMY: What?
U.S. ARMY: Boring uniform
CLOWN ARMY: Excellent gear. Have you ever worn a red nose? Red hot noses, hot pink, hot uniforms, so hot we’re sweating
U.S. ARMY: Core values: Kill, Rape, Plunder
CLOWN ARMY: Core values: Fun, Friendship, Freedom
Join CIRCA (Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army) and liberate yourself.
DON’T SETTLE FOR WORKING FOR CLOWNS.
BE ALL THE CLOWN YOU CAN BE!