Freak Your Nark


Fifth Estate # 56, June 19-July 1, 1968

The author of the following helpful hints is an attorney employed by the federal government of the United States of America in Washington, D.C. Obviously, he prefers to remain underground in our interest and his own. —eds

One. Take photographs of undercover narks„ as it destroys their psychological stability. These pictures may then be either published in the underground press (preferably nationally, as narks in federal service get transferred). Additionally or alternatively, posters could be made up in “Wanted” style. These could be simply satirical: (“Wanted by the Free Community”) or made up as federal wanted posters, but if the latter, don’t get caught with them, since that is a violation of some federal statutes as well as libel laws.

Two. Anyone holding should make a point of always having some grass on himself, suitably wrapped. When someone you don’t know well tries to make a purchase, refer to “grass” and sell him that at regular pot prices. This does not even violate fraud laws, and puts the nark in a bad spot as he must either make up the cost out of his own pocket or explain to his superiors how he came to pay $10.00 for an ounce of crabgrass.

Three. Pit agencies against one another. Create conflict Between county (or city) state and federal authorities. Particularly useful if you have spotted two narks working for different agencies to tip each off that the other is a big dealer. With a little lucky fast talk you can have them all running in circles. In line with this see Four.

Four. Use counter-blackmail. A nark is likely to break a couple of laws in the course of working his way into the underground, laws which cannot be easily explained away as required by his job. If he is a federal nark and the law broken is an the state level so much the better. A fine recent example is of a county nark who slept with an underage girl – a state offense.

Five. Growing pot on your own property is an offense, and the owner is presumed guilty. Therefore get some seeds and plant the stuff in the yards of cops, narks, judges and legislators. Make a particular effort to do this to judges who regularly try narcotics cases and then bring it up at a trial. The judge will, at the least, have to disqualify himself. And having it found in his own lawn might’ – just go a ways toward liberalizing the views of some legislators. Since most people see pot just like another weed growing, they won’t even know about it until some outraged citizen tips off the newspapers.

Six. Tail known or suspected narks. This can be done in an obvious and obtrusive manner or covertly, depending on circumstances. Those with access to such things, could attach beepers to their cars. Even if not used when the nark finds the beeper on his car it will blow his mind. Those who are in remote locations such as colleges in the countryside could stake out access roads. Caltrops are also effective for breaking up raids. These are little objects resembling a child’s jacks but having sharp pointed ends, highly effective in stopping patrol cars, paddy wagons, etc.

Seven. If a phone tap is known or suspected, discuss a big acid buy or big pot buy on the phone, giving the time and place (don’t be too obvious, even narks can guess you are suspicious and faking). Then show up with a nice supply of sulfuric acid, Burpee seed, etc. If the police show also you have a nice suit for false arrest (highly profitable and easy way to make money) and can possibly bring criminal charges for an illegal wiretap.

Eight. Try to pay the federal tax on pot: $1 per ounce for licensed dealers, $100 for those lacking a license. There really is no way to pay it. Then if you are busted by feds at some future date -a decent lawyer can use this to get you off. (The usual federal charge is possession of untaxed marijuana.)